I recall asking my husband shortly after surgery (on crutches, in pain, and unable to use the toilet myself, crying...)
"When do you think I will be happy I got this surgery done?"
And he said "April or May."
Well, here it is April and I feel the joy growing each day as I am able to do more and more; re-gaining strength, mobility, and starting to feel like the athlete I am. There are certainly times where I wonder if the surgery worked or how hard I can push it again when I want to get back to trail racing, however, I am trying my hardest to stop the "what-if's," since they aren't serving any purpose except feeding things beyond my control!
Just yesterday I rode 13.5 miles (hilly, may I add) in the sunshine-nothing to feel sad about there. Yes, it's hard knowing where I was a year ago, running each day, but I have turned to some wonderful sources of inspiration-most importantly myself- to keep me going with no need to look anywhere but forward! I keep certain people and experiences alive in my mind not to diminish my experience but assist in keeping perspective in my heart and mind as I heal, such as my friend Carrie who has overcome so much, athletes that are doing unimaginable things with one limb, or even my own husband and best friend who endured three painful wrist surgeries (one failed) and is still able to do and excel in the cycling he loves.
Hardships are obviously different for everyone yet we all have them. What seems catastrophic for one person may seem small for another, however, what remains true throughout all challenges in life is the relationship you have with yourself. This surgery has certainly tested my inner strength and challenged me to practice what I preach to my clients about positive and productive self-talk, learning not to depend on others for the encouragement I deeply craved and needed.
I have come to really truly believe in cultivating my relationship with Amy. If you do not believe in and encourage yourself then you are a tree with no roots! Having someone else support you and be there for you is essential, I am not disputing that, but it's the ability to see your own inner light and fire that's most crucial knowing that you have it deep inside to make it through what life throws your way. In the times where it hurt so badly I was nauseous, or I slipped and fell three days after surgery, or having to be lifted in and out of bed, I had (and still have) to have those talks with inner-Amy I have done unimaginable conquering of things before telling myself that this was no different.
When you loose touch with your inner roots, you will feel it. I will be honest, I have not totally mastered it; part of being a personal trainer is I give that "go get 'em!" attitude to clients, friends, and family, so sometimes I wish I had more of that from others in my life, however, that's when your inner strength must be re-connected with...you can't depend on others 100% to help you believe. It's a daily battle, but eventually it will become ever present in your life.
The same goes for my clients in becoming healthy, getting fit or loosing weight. If you do not have the belief in yourself that you can get healthy, your efforts have no roots. That is why so many clients begin a fitness regimen and slowly fade away-they have not made the inner-choice for themselves but rather some other purpose, or come to depend on their trainer, which can keep you going for only so long! Same as above, when you have connected with your inner goals motivated by authenticity only known to yourself you will not quit.
At this point I can honestly say, I am so thrilled I made the choice I did to get the surgery; and I keep continually repeating Kara Goucher's quote above. If you are considering the surgery, I highly recommend doing your research and finding the best surgeon possible, (I am SO happy with my choice at Everett Bone and Joint, in Wa.) and weighing what's most important to you.
No matter what, I encourage you to re-connect with your inner belief that you are strong, amazing, and have it in yourself to overcome that obstacle.!